lovesgrace109

This time I feel it. I just feel fat. I think this is the first time I actually feel it while being it. I have hit some pretty amazing milestones in my ongoing battle with weight loss. I got down to 205 for a bit, only to now be back up to 230 (offical doctor weight). I got down to a size 18 after being up to a size 24. I was even able to get my first pair of skinny jeans! While I’m still an 18, I do notice my pants fitting a bit snug.

Again, here I am, ready to shed the pounds. I have a long term plan to be about 140-150. Right now, I’d just like to see 205 again.

The journey is set to begin.

Two good things happened in my “healthy lifestyle journey” this weekend.

 1) My niece and nephew had a birthday party this weekend. To be completely honest, birthday party are a big down fall for me. However, I managed to keep my caloric intake under 1500 and avoided the birthday cake!

2) I saw 212 on the scale for the first time in……. I really don’t know how many years– probably 2. I was so thrilled.

I think I had success at the birthday part because I weighed myself before I left the house and didn’t want to ruin it!!

Well, I know it’s been a long time since I’ve been on here. Probably because I was having self doubts, or no motivation. I don’t know what it was, but I feel like for the first time since I started considering losing the weight, I’m finally on the right path. I do give credit to my Anatomy and Physiology class this semester. It’s been a really eye opener as to how what I eat and my lack or activity can really do to my body. I have definitely cut WAY down on my eating. I just need to increase my activity. I know then, the weight will really start to come off.

So, needless to say, since I’m not embarassed anymore about my lack or progress, I’ll be on here more with updates.

Hm. That’s a very strange thing to say. “I wish I could feel 240 pounds.” It makes perfect sense to me. When I look at myself in the mirror, I do not see myself as 240 pounds. I don’t know what I see, I just don’t see that. And, because I don’t see it, I don’t feel it.

 I’ve struggles so hard with losing weight since I gave birth to my daughter. That was January of 2008. And, after I gave birth to her I was 198. Doing the math that, I’ve gained 42 pounds in 21 months. That’s two pounds a month!! I don’t know how I did it or how to stop it. The worst thing is, I don’t even feel it.

And, that is why I wish I felt 240 pounds. I know if I felt like I was 240 pounds, my brain would tell me “Anna, enough is enough. You are too big and need to do something about it.”

Even as I type, the words look foreign to me. 240 pounds. I just can’t believe it.